So! Here it is, Wednesday. I put a Facebook events post up on Monday evening; for, again, a Thursday read-through.
*biting nails* This is the sort of thing that consumes you, completely unnecessarily. I have spent way too much time over the past two days checking Facebook to see if anyone has decided to go. So far, I am going; the board president is going; and one other person is going (THANK YOU!!!). And I have one maybe. I'm glad anyone is able to go on such short notice. Or might be able to go. That's absolutely fantastic. But- and of course there is one- the problem here is that the play has 13 parts. Now, I'll be glad to read too, but that's basically a lot of back and forth between the one "yes" and myself, as the president is not an actress and I know she will not want to read. The other, more major issue, is that the whole point here is to get feedback, and one or two other people's opinion, while valued, could just as easily be gotten through e-mailing the script and have them respond. All that said, I think the main issue is one I cannot and should not deny: my self-esteem is involved here. If people show up, I am validated. If not... well, damn, I'm just unloved, aren't I? Ha. Selfish view, really; I know that. It's not like this was short notice or anything (I may have mentioned), and people are just plain not going to be able to make it. But still. It brings to mind the time, a few years ago, when it was my birthday. I decided to throw myself a little bash- what the hey, I never do things like that. Get some people together, have a nice time. I put up the event on Facebook (obviously, the place I do most networking), made some plans, bought some food, set things up. Waited. Nobody showed up. Okay, that's simply the most dramatic way of saying it, and it's not quite true. One person showed up. Really, though, although he's been friend to both of us for years, he's still originally my husband's friend, so that's how I still think of him. So it can be considered that none of my friends showed up. I was not actually particularly hurt by this. We had a nice time anyway, ate some munchies, watched a couple of crappy movies, and chilled; it was cool. And it is true that most people hadn't actually said they would come, but had put "Maybe" or hadn't bothered to respond at all. I had simply thought that if they did that, at least a couple of them would show up. In retrospect, this was a big assumption. But why? Why don't people bother responding at all? Particularly when it's someone's personal shindig, and feelings are obviously going to be involved. Sigh. Still, as I said, that occurrence didn't bug me that much. It's just a birthday; I have one every year, not a big deal to me. I actually forgot about the whole thing. Until now. This is different. This isn't just some birthday. This isn't just me being dorky ol' me. This is my work. Blood, sweat, tears. Okay, maybe not, but at least a lot of hours spent creating something very personal. Doing something, something I believe has merit. Something I care about almost as much as my kids. And, like my kids, I want others to know and appreciate my plays as I do. I want others to care. Well, it's not like if they don't show up, they don't care. And I understand that. I really do. ...I'm just going to be over here checking Facebook... *biting nails*
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Rebecca FrohlingWriter, dancer, actress, mother, me. Archives
February 2019
Categories |